Hi ,to anyone who still checks out my lj.I tried to post this during the summer,had it 90 % done and hit the wrong key. Puff no more entry and i just hadn't found the time to re post .It contains another first so i really wanted to post it,so here goes :)I've said it before,things aren't always perfect but it's gotten better and better for me.The best thing thats happened to me are the friends i've made,something i couldn't do before i began living fulltime.It seems silly now,but i know you've all been there.Oh yeah,this post is suppose to be about my vacation
 ,well to start it was my best one ever and that's because of the friends i 've made.I've actually been living for the first time,been doing more than just going to work.My best friend Lisa introduced me to her best friend Phyllis,her husband Brian and their daughter Katie. we've been spending alot of time hanging out and a camping trip they take every summer came up in conversation.I'm not sure how it all happened but i was invited to go on a camping trip to Ocracoke,one of the outer islands in North Carolina.Well i'm not a camper,lol,and this would be my first vacation in 3yrs and my 1st as Keri.I said yes, "silly me " and then thought,what was i thinking? It turned out to be the best thing i could have done,well at least after i got by a few bumps in the road so to speak :)
 Here's how i remember it ;) For starters we left at 3:00 am,having to get to the ferry by 9am.Why you ask ? i did too,it was that or take the next ferry scheduled much later in the day and we'd have to set up camp in the dark.I haven't camped,well i won't go there,lol.The ferry ride was cool,there's something about  the ocean that always makes me smile.I kept forgetting is was still in NC.Driving off the ferry and takng in the scenery rocked,i felt so free.Having decided on a campsite,the setting up of tents began.Being my first time, Brian,our leader, pretty much let me observe,a smart move on his part. Things moved along pretty quickly,i'll mention one of the tents  was a screened in party area complete with a mirror ball and enough alcohol for a trip twice as long as ours.I should mention there were 11 people ranging in age from 5 to 64.I'd met all but one before,a 19 yr old UNCG college guy,Tim, with a passion for surfing.He was so cool and very easy on the eyes :) I wanted to try surfing but i didn't want to have to to make any visit to the islands hospital facilities.Our campsite was so close to the beach,just over the sand dunes,and nothing beats hearing the ocean the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning,that's if ya do mornings ;)

   Remember those bumps i mentioned,well here's the biggest,no hot showers and ya ad to pull a rope and not let go to keep the freezing water flowing.Nobody told me i needed three arms to take a shower,lol.I just wanted to go home and can't say here what i said to my friends that invited me on the trip.I finally calmed down and was told about the bungy cord they brought that's tied to the rope and attached to the bottom of the shower door.We ran the risk of being arrested by park rangers,lolo, hey ya got to do what ya got to do ;) I felt like such an A hole after the shower incident,and that's when i knew how awesome my friends are.I would have packaged me up in my tent and shipped me home on the next ferry. The 90 degree heat wasn't always fun but i did help to drive up the the stock of the makers of sun tan lotion,and i thought gas was expensive.I was also on board with the makers of insect repellent. The final bump was the underwater setting in my tent when i forgot to close the back flap on my tent.
  Some things we did remain a blur,lol,we did play some interesting drinking games,one, involving fishing rods and plastic fish matching the color o  a card ya had to read and do what it said.There's a video of me on someones phone,well i won't go there,i can't.
 Like alot of things camping,at least for me,took time to appreciate,but if they'll have me back,i'd love to do it again.Thanks for putting up with me you guys,you all know who you are,AWESOME friends!
  Here's another first,it did happen awhile ago since like i said its taken me forever to post this after loosing it the 1st time. Here's what happened.You probly know i show movies for a living and  i love watching them.Well mondays my day off and sleeping late is what i do ! The phone rings i look at the clock it's 10:00Am ,i see who's calling and it's my best friend Lisa.She says come on over i'm still in bed and i want ya to watch "Hancock " with me.She says don't pretty yourself up missy just get over here,ya don't have to ask me twice,lol.I'd love to say i couldn't tell ya what happened next but nothing did cause Lisa's straight and the best friend i've ever had.What was funny,eventually,was we were into the movie ,really cozy,and we hear the garage door open and in sec her husbands at the bed rooom door.Can you say uncomfortable.I know he knows we're just friends but so much was running through my head.,but what he said wasn't one of them.Without missing a beat he says a first for me ,coming home to two hot women in my bed.Well we all had a big laugh and Lisa and i got up and had some breakfast :)  Gotta say it's been an interesting summer,my best ever,hope you're all doing well!

It's been awhile i know, i'm still here just doing the usual living and work thing.I Really need to find a new job for economic reasons and for  one iv'e read  in so many friends LJ's . Starting fresh at a job where i'm Keri,the new woman at work.I'll never be seen fully as Keri where i am now cause they'll always be someone who 's seen me before transition and there's always the pronoun issues,not sure if that will change with time?
 Oh yeah,back to the two latest firsts :) I guess i'll start with the one that sucks first.I got my first ticket since i was seventeen,.I was told i didn't come to a complete stop.The cop comes up to my window and says ma am can i see your license and registration,truth  be told i wanted to show it to someone :) ,no pronoun issues,lol.Well getting a ticket sucks but he called me ma am,miss Green,without skipping a beat,no stares, no questions,he saw me totally as female.
   Now for the one that doesn't :) :) It's a first that i wasn't sure i'd be ready for ever! I'll preface this by saying i've been spending alot of time with Lisa,a girl that's been cutting my hair,color ,streaks,i will have pics soon,i promise.Anyway she's become my Best  friend and she's helped me in so many ways and makes me smile every time  i see her!Her best friend Phyllis and her husband Brian invited me to their Memorial Day pool party,yes i said pool party,can you say holly sh t ! I've got to be the palest person on the planet and i've never liked bathing suits,EVER!!!!!!!! Lisa said we'll go bathing suit shopping and go to the party,i said no,no,no,no,i'll wear my jeans and  a cute top.Lisa said no way Keri,we're getting you a bathing suit,i should mention arguing with Lisa is not a good thing cause she always wins,Always!So the morning before the party we go bathing suit shopping,ya can probly guess how much fun the shaving prep was,i see a whole new laser appointment in my future.We went to Belks,i said lets look for yours first,she gave me a look that i couldn't quite capture on this page and the search for my bathing suit began.I found a tankini i liked and so it was time to try it on, panic,no panic, panic, i began with the top,moved things into position,lol,and then pulled on the bottomI kinda just stood there,wearing my first bathing suit and Lisa said well take a look in the mirror,silly ya look good,miss skinny,i'm not that skinny,really! I turned around and looked and all the panic was for nothing,i looked so much better than i thought and going to the pool party didn't seem like such a bad thing anymore:) Lisa picked hers out,she tried it on,not a fan of bathing suits either,but she looked awesome and it was time to get to the party.It was surreal as we walked from our friends house out to the pool.There were people already there and i felt that familiar panic but excitement won out.Lisa,Jim,Phyllis Brian and Katie made me feel so at home and nobody stared or thought anything except i was a new friend hanging at the party.I can't tell ya how good it feels.I know most of you who read my LJ have been there,done that,but if you haven't it's gonna happen too you and then you'll know how good it feels! Wish ya all the best!

 Hi,
    I haven't posted in a while i guess cause i've been living a normal day to day life as Keri,so cool,not always perfect but finally enjoying my life for the first time.I did want to say a few things and i guess i'll start with a few things that made me smile.I'll be four months fulltime on april 13 th and i' ve probly been out to almost everyone i know and places i do business,except one that i just came out to and that was the car dealership and it was time to get my oil changed ect.I called on the phone to make an appointment and my voice is really the only thing that kinda says is that a guy or a girl.Well i tell em i'm changing my gender and there's just a silence ok miss Green and then an appointment time to bring my car to the dealership.I'm finally comforatable being me but ya never know how people will react when you're there in front of them.I pulled into the dealship and there were two guys conveniently waiting for me,like that would ever happen,lol.I park my car and a guy comes up to me as i was getting out and just treats me so well.I go inside and there's a young guy at the counter who knows me and asks what i've been doing with a smile and then another guy straight out asks did i have the surgery, when did i know i was transgendered  ect,and says ya look so good.I was thinking the worst,cause i was in a car dealership and the guys tend to be very macho car guys and if i'd been younger i'd probly have a date before i left,well that's if i liked guys,lol.I went shopping after that and something else happened that would have never happened  as a male,lol.I was walking across the parking lot  with a car coming and started to slow down to let the car pass and a guy opens his window says  hi and tells me to keep walking, just a very good day,and i'm still smiling,but it's not always that way i still here people whispering once in a while and my boss sometimes slips.I don't think i'll ever be completely Keri at work and it's the only place where i sometimes don't feel like i do everywhere else.I'm putting my resume out there and as much as i like my job and where i live,to be truely accepted as Keri is gonna mean moving on,and i'm ready ,it'll be worth it to just be seen and accepted as Keri by everyone.Before i go a girlfriend,Lisa,shes' so awesome, got me started on myspace,so if ya have one,please friend me,if ya want to,i hope everyones doing well,I've said it before but it's so true i would have never made it this far without ya,and i'm so looking foward to the future,some minor facial surgery and then SRS.

 I  usually write when i've experienced something postive ,something new to me! Well as anyone who has been kind enough to read my LJ knows,i'm a projectionist at a seven plex located in a mall.I was getting some dinner after the first evening set on  was on screen and here's what happened.I was ordering and there was a young couple behind me,my  voice is still an issue but i'm working on it as much as i can and i'm determined to get it .Anyway i went to the condiment bar to pick up fixings  for my meal and the couple that was behind me was  getting theirs and the girl is literally in my face just starring.I saw her out of the corner of my eye and i hear her boyfriend say is that a guy,he said it in a low voice but he said it, i just pretended i didn't hear it but it did make me feel uncomfortable .I guess that fact that they were both in my face and still unsure of my gender is a good thing but it's made me so determined to improve my voice,i feel better now that i've said it here,thanks for listening.

room429 asked to see some pics of my dog jamiee,Jamiee rocks she's an awesome girl so here are a few. 

It's been about a month and a half fulltime and it's only getting better.Don't know why i waited so long,it's always taken me longer to accomplish things but it just makes finally getting there so much better. I was doing some shopping Wednesday night at a local Loews food chain here in North Carolina and i had my dog Jamiee with me in the car. Jamiee is a Belgian Malinois,and if ya didn't know you'd think she was a German shepard,ya wouldn't want to mess with her and if i gave her the word the end result woudn't be pretty,she's so awesome.I digress,i'm still a little self conscious when i shop alone, i'm not sure if that's how it is with anyone else living fulltime for that amount of time.Anyway i was coming out of the store and i saw a truck parked next to my car and the truck lights were on getting ready to pull out.I waited a moment for the truck to pull out but it didn't.I walked towards my car and around to the passenger side so i wouldn't be in the way when the truck finally pulled away. I got closer and the truck window opened and there was this guy and he had a dog with him and he asked me about my dog,said how beautiful she was and how calm she was ect.I was never so nervous in my life.I guess i'm still at that stage where i like to keep a low profile,not hide but not be in anyones' face.He just started talking to me like he knew me forever and i started to talk to him and the nervous feelings i had just melted away.It was such an awesome feeling,he saw me as a woman,i unlocked my car got in and Jamiee was in the guys face,she's so protective. We talked for awhile about our dogs and how nice it was to have met,i wasn't ready for anything else,at least not yet ;) but i drove away with the biggest smile ever!!!!!!! I never thought i could be into guys but this guy made me think it's a possibilty!

When i got my New license, awhile ago, i went with my name change court order and as i mentioned in the post i wrote when i got it, they gave me an M on my license.I was so excited to just get my new license with Keri on it that i just accepted it.Later i thought my pic is female my name is female and the M on the license looks sooo out of place,it really sucks cause i'm not male,not to me anyway.I recently went for my blood check to make sure my kidneys and liver were ok and that the hormone levels were where they're suppose to be.Anyway i mentioned it to my doctor and she was so awesome to write me a letter explaining that i'm physiologically female and a change of legal gender designation is appropriate and necessary to allow keri to safely work,study and travel.She went on to define the DMV classification ,where an individual's phychological gender is in extreme conflict with their anatomical gender and that the gender designation on my license should be changed from M to F. I went to the DMV today with the letter in hand and my fingers crossed.I waited till my number was called and a woman signaled me to her desk.I didn't waist any time when she asked me what she could do for me.I told her i was transgendered and explained the last time i was there i only had my Order and Certificate of Name Change but that i had a letter from my doctor explaining my situation.She began to read the letter and i told her that i'm living and working fulltime as a female and my drivers picture is female but has an M making it very confusing to anyone checking it for whatever reason.She put the letter down and she smiled and you're not gonna believe it, but she told me her cousin is also transgendered and is changing her sex as well from male to female. What are the odds of all the peolpe that could have assisted me it would turn out to be someone so cool with what i was doing.She began typing away on the computer key board and asked me what i did and i told her about my having done rock lighting and now being a projectionist.We're into the same music and she said how happy i looked but as she continued to type i have to admit i was a bit nervous.She stopped typing and said that it's all done,i kinda looked at her and she said she just finished changing my sex on the info data they had on record from male to female.I almost began to cry,not a good thing with my makeup and all and my pic looks a bit sad cause i had to fight back the tears i was so happy i almost cried. I took a picture of my new, new license, i just had to and included a few on my deck of me,my dog Jamiee and Rudolph :) Oh click on the pics if ya dare, It's the First "F" i've ever been excited about,lol!

Sorry i'm late posting but the hours during the last two weeks at the theater have been brutal!Christmas eve stared out as a challenge cause i'm such a procrastinator.i meant to finish decorating at least a day before my party.My outside looked like a christmas movie set,the trees were lit in really cool patterns of clear lights and the back yard trees in colors and the rails that go round the deckwere lit in clear lights surrounding my christmas tree with all the multi colored lights i could find and a deer calmly watching the tree,her head moving and back lit in a soft red.The inside decorations were another story,there were none,so i worked the hardest seven hours of my life to make them happen and to look as good as the outside.I did it and you'll see some pics of my fireplace area and someone pretty special making them even nicer to look at!My partys' a tradtion and it's almost expected to be better ever year,can you say pressure,bah humbug!I was in the shower as my first guests arrived,but some of my theater friends who arrived early took on the hosting duties till i could get down stairs.It was my first Christmas living fulltime as keri and it felt so surreal coming down the stairs in my red v neck sweater wearing pearls given to me by Barb and a pair of cool size 6 jeans a bit tight,,but hey i think i looked pretty good and a pair of three inch heels i'm not really used to walking in.Most people had met Keri some hadn't but everyone had an awesome time.When it was all over i just sat in a chair by the fire on the deck and finished an apple martini someone made for me and i stared into the night,so peaceful,so quite and just smiled thinking of what the new year will bring? I did say earlier that this has been my best New years eve,new years day ever and the reason was a visit by bchgrl, Ericabchgrl315.We'd been talking before the holidays and she mentioned her aunt in north Carolina,she lives three hours north of my home in Asheboro.Erica was on christmas break from Florida State and was planning on visting her so i said you better stop by here and stay a few days on your way to your aunts,i didn't really say it that way,loli did ask her and she said yes. She drove eight hours in the pouring rain and arrived at the mall where the movie theater i project at is located.She called when she got to the parking area near our theater entrance and i opened the back doors as she parked her car.It was funny cause as she came into view,so much was going thru my head.we'd seen pics but i was hoping i'd look ok to her i knew she'd look great.I was thinking how will all this unfold,i haven't had anyone at my house forever.Well i worried for nothing,she's an awesome girlas nice as she is pretty.We went shopping after i got out at 12:30 am,cuase i wanted to get food that she liked and she promised to make us a cheesy egg and bacon breakfast,which by the way was soooo gooood!We headed to my house and microwaved some pizza and drank some coronas'and talked about prety much everything.I had to work from 11:30 am till three the next day,new years eve and that gave Erica a chance to get some well deserved sleep after her 8hr drive from hell.I got home and she was watching a Florida state bowl game,hard to believe she played football,you'll see.after the game she talk me to do my make up so much better and how to really use a flat iron,i gotta say i looked so good when she finished.We went out to dinner and then to walmart to buy some makeup at a reasonable price,she says expensive does not always mean good.It was my first time being keri at my local walmart and it was just so normal.We got home talked somemore played with my dog jamiee and had some champagne while watching the ball drop on Carson dailys new years eve show,we finished the bottle and talked till 8:00,yes i said 8:00 so the breakfast i'd been wating for happened about 3Pm new years day but it was so worth it!We went to a very cool restaurant that night called PF Chang's,great food awesome comapany.When we got home it was time for some pics,so many,erica is such the model,she doesn't take a bad pic,i so wish i could say that and you'll see what i mean,i promise ;)She was suppose to leave in the morning but snow and ice 3hrs north kept her here another night,the new year was alraedy being good to me.We set our alarms,i headed up stairs to bed while she settled under the covers on the couch in the living room.I didn't want her to leave it was special having someone to share my house with and she's an awesome girl,it was sad to see her leave,i had an Awesome time and i think she did to.It truely was the best New Years ever and i hope we can do it again!I know she needed to get home to Florida so she can thaw out,i wish i could be there myself. Oh almost four weeks fulltime and it just gets better,i know there will be challenges along the way but i'm gonna handle them the best i can.now for those that have read my mini series,here are the pics i promised. HAppy New Year,i wish ya all the best! just so you know i tried to download more pics but as you can't see they refused to appear.





















 

So much to tell,but i'll try to tell it as i happened,my brains a little numb,working so many hours,so i could take a full saturday off to be with BARB!she so Rocks,she's an awesome woman that i owe so much to,anyway this is how it went. I had an appointment to get my hair cut and wasn't sure what else till i got there.It all happened on wednesday,i've never been to a "salon" and never spent more than 11.00 dollars for a haircut,those days are gone forever,lol! I met the girl,Lisa,that was going to try and work her magic,magic the operative word,and she said we won't do anything too drastic,we'll layer and give ya some bangs.I wasn't sure about the bangs but she said not the short across your forehead bangs,trust me,;) She brings me the kinda color wheel with swatches of hair and we decide on on kinda blondish highlights and then the fun begins!I felt like a canvas and she was gonna do what she could to make me, well,pretty,and i found out pretty aint easy!She pasted my head with the coloring we agreed to and i felt like i was in a sitcom,so much going on with other clients and it felt a bit like i was undercover doing a piece on beauty salons.Well the bottom line was when she finshed i just couldn't believe it,i gotta say my hair looked awesome.She styled it,layered it but the length is almost the same,but the highlights make me look so much better,and we're gonna do it again in like 8 weeks.It was such a cool experince but i'm gonna have to get another job,being female costs so much more than i realized but it's so worth it! So it's thursday and i'm getting ready to go to the work as Keri for the first time,it's gonna be my first day living fulltime time!I was so happy and so scared and as i went out the door a feeling of panic just shot through my body.I got in the car and began my short drive to work and as i got closer i got more nervous but then this feeling of happiness and relief came over me and i just thought well i'm here in the parking lot so whatever happens,happens,it's not like i can go home a change into ken,those days are over!I walked through the parking lot and as i was about to open the door to the mall,a guy ahead of me held the door and smiled,and i breathed a sigh of relief and actually began to smile.The walk through the mall was a bit frightening cause people know me by sight.I ususally come to work in my black pants,theater polo shirt,but today it was a nice pair of ladies jeans and a red sweater,and of course the new haircut and highlights,no guy here,lol!I kept my eyes down pretty much but did look up and i know i was seen by some and it must have been what the !!!!!I walked into the theater,and my boss says hi how are ya doing and i just said i was a bit nervous but good and he told me how the meeting about me went. He said there was some snickering,some laughs and and overall,i don't believe kens' gonna become a woman,no way!!!!!My boss went on to explain my situation as i told it to him and by the end of the meeting most of the staff were cool with it a few of the guys we're confused and not sure how they felt.I went up to the booth got all the films ready to go and within 30 minutes or so all films were on screen and it was time for me to go downstairs to the lobby,my heart was serously pounding!!!!!!! i walked upto the cashier/concession area and the cashier,a young guy who ironically was in one of our theaters when a customer called me ma am,just looked at me smiled, and said hi KERI!and that kinda sums up my first day,so awesome.There was some uneasiness among the staff and only a few could call me
keri,but i could tell they were trying to be cool with me.The next three days went pretty well,things are of course different but i feel ok about hanging out in the lobby,i didn't think id' be able to do it.I was kidding with one of the new girls,she started aweek ago and in that time i went from ken to keri.When i came down from the booth i saw her in the concession stand and went back to talk to her,she didn't say anything about my transition but just talked and kidded me about a popcorn kernel that flew out of my mouth as we were talking and we kinda hung out between her sales till i had to start a movie.We have a gay guy who's a friend of the mananger and has become friends with everyone at the theater,he likes to kid the straight guys and he didn't know about my transition.I saw him as i opened the booth door to enter the lobby,and from that distance he didn't notice anything.when i got close he just stared and stared and!!!!!!i said i don't know if you heard but i'm transgendered and he just couldn't get any words out and then he said that's so cool and told me about a young male to female girl he's helping in her transition and he wants me to meet her,kind of a support thing.He also said i just didn't see it ,i would have never known!So the first four days are over,not nearly as bad as i thought they'd be but there's so much ahead and i know it's not gonna be easy and i did see people checking me out in the theater lobby,not sure what they were thinking or if they were only looking at me,could have been someone else. I took saturday off to spend an early christmas with Barb,she's gonna be out of town for the holidays.We went to the mall and first on the list of things to do there was getting my ears pierced.Barb gave me a gift certifiacte for my B day back in July,but i wasn't ready at the time.So we got to the store and before i knew it i was sitting in a chair and i just hearing that whatever it is go through my ear was a little scary but it was over in a second and my smile went on forever.We did some shopping and had dinner and a few bottles of wine at her house.We hung out, downloaded some tunes,and with the help of the wine kinda had our own karaoke session with a little guitar hero 3 thrown in.I didn't want to leave her house but i had a 12 hour shift to do and being there and awake helps,lol.Just before i left she gave me 4 pairs of shoes,a pearl necklace and My christmas present ,an awesome pair of gold hoop earings to wear as soon as i can remove the ones i'm wearing now. Barb,if Karma does in fact exist i hope your kindness is returned to you 1000 xs over,you've been there from the beginning,thanks for everything you've done to help me become the woman i've always known i was and can finally be ***Hugs***

If your a friend, THANKS, then you've probably been following the saga of my transition,if not well ya can always check the archives :) Anyway wednesday i'm getting my hair styled and either colored or some streaks or both,but the point is no going back and forth between Ken,Keri, Ken,Keri anymore and i confronted my boss again, cause Wednesday is 3 days away and i won't be able to come to work on thursday as Ken. Thursday's the day i put all our new movies together,build trailer packs and ship out the movies that have ended their run,kind of an important day to be at work!He asked again whether i wanted to tell the staff or did i want him to do it.I told him it would hold so much more weight if he had a meeting explaining my situation and that he was behind me 100%.I told him i'd be glad to answer any questions the staff may have when i come to work on thursday.So the meeting gonna be either monday or wednesday,both my days off!I'm so scared,it's not that i work with the staff directly,but i do spend time in the theater lobby and i do talk to some of the staff on a regular basis.There was an assistant manager in the office when i asked my boss and i just came out to her then ,and,well the same reaction i've gotten from everyone else, a look that deserves to be on you tube,she said she had no clue,traces of makeup,very smooth face,long hair for a guy,people just see what they want!She told me that there is a transgendered girl whose parents work in the mall and that she goes back and forth between male and female, and was in the theater tonight,i wish i could have met her.I'm scared,i do need to find a better paying job but like i've said, it would be nice to stay for awhile and just get use to being Keri all the time.I am worried about my safety,no job and especially this one isn't worth being hurt or even killed.I do see a move in my future,but i couldn't wait till then to go full time.Three days and counting,i've waited forever and now it's here,will it work,not work,i guess i'll know soon,wish me luck,more than that wish that i'll be safe!Before i go two really cool things,First i just got my latest paycheck,pay to the order of Keri R.Green.the second, i was on the phone calling to change the name on my credit cards,one woman acted like i was a disease and she might catch it,another woman was ok with it but the third girl was so awesome.By the time i began to tell her what i wanted i was a little down and tired of explaining,so i came right out and told her.I could almost see the smile on her face,she was so nice and so happy for me,she made me feel so good and then when i thought it couldn't get any better she said can i call you miss Green,i just wanted to hug her through the phone.She ended our conversation by saying is there anything else i can do for you miss Green,and i told her you just did :)

Ya know i've been living as Ken then, Keri then,you get the idea and i'm less than two weeks from what i've wanted my whole life.Well i got off work early today Saturday,and i met my sister and her boyfriend for dinner.I'm always in my own dream world when i'm presenting as Keri and it gets so much more comfortable and normal for me everyday.I haven't seen my sister for almost a month and she and her boyfriend have been busy working on expanding her dog training/everything for your dog business.This coming Friday is the town Christmas parade and her dog school marches in the parade,it goes by her dog school and she's having a big grand opening/get to know us ect.She's asked me to be part of the business,she needs someone good with people and finance and i'm good at both.Well i've thought about it and still am.She asked me if i could get friday off to watch her school/new dog boutique while she and her boyfriend and her dog club march in the parade.I said as Keri and she just looked at me and said,who else? :) :) :) I said yeah but isn't that gonna be a problem and she said why,you're my sister,and you're managing the school/boutique till we get back and if ya want i'd like to to be a business partner.It's taken me so long to get where i am and things have and are changing so quickly,i just had to make this post because things are still a bit foggy but i'm beginning to see the light and the chance for the life i've wanted for so long! to be continued!

I'll start by saying i hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving! I ended up working,totally my fault,i forgot to ask off.I've pretty much had coming out at work on my mind and our schedule is done in advance and by the time i realized it,it was too late to get the time off.In a way it was a good thing cause as i mentioned to some, my sister,has said to me i enjoy the attention and that's why she thinks i've chosen to transition.It was hard on her,but to be fair she's come along way and now she totally ok with keri and getting back to Thanksgiving,it was her first with her new boyfriend so,in a way i'm glad i wasn't there to divert attention!She and her boyfriend brought some delicious leftovers to my theater on Saturday and her boyfriend gave me a hug in guy mode in the theater lobby,i couldn't believe it,talk about being awesome!So on Friday my boss calls me into his office and says,take a look at my computer screen,and i said ok?well it was a payroll page and Kenneth Green wasn't there,it said Keri Green!!!!!!!!!!! He waited for a reaction and i was so happy i couldn't give him an immediate response.He asked if i was okay and i said YESSSSSSSS,and he said the woman that does payroll will see on thursday when she does payroll,do want to talk to her or do you want me to.I said you'll see her first tell her and we kinda left it like that.I was at work tonight,Tuesday,the manager was off and two assistants were working and two employees and me.It was kinda slow after a holiday weekend and i was doing what i usually do running the films as usual and at the end of the night i was cleaning my projectors as the films ended and headed to the office,i usually leave with the closing manager,talk about the night ect.Here it comes,to save me from going to the break room to clock out on our employee computer,he'll sometimes clock me out,to save us both time.I knew it would happen and i could have stopped him but i couldn't, it's gonna be out to everyone soon, Dec12 is hopefully the day i'll come to work as Keri.Ya should have been there he scrolled down the payroll page looking for Kenneth Green and found Keri Green.I said you're not gonna find it and as keri came into view he said what's with that?????????? I asked if he had a day or to, to discuss it and he said tell me what's going on,am i being punked,did ya get one of the employees to do this,it's not funny you could get in a lot of trouble.I just said think of what you're saying,i'm gonna screw with the bosses computer,again he asks what's going on and i began to feel a bit uncomfortable. I told him i'm changing my gender and i got a court order to change my name and i showed him my new license and he said i don't believe you.I asked if he'd heard of the term transgendered and he said yes but,anyway,after the extreme shock i told him i came out to the boss, he said he had no clue and that the employees will be in shock.I tried my best to explain,we talked for almost an hour in the freezing cold it was about 1:30 am and i asked him not to say anything till the boss or myself talks to floor staff.I'm hopping that no one is so put off that i might be in danger,the assistant i was talking to said he didn't think so but he again said nobody will believe it.I'm not sure what to expect when the word gets out,i know they'll be alot of talk when i'm not around.I guess it was a "normal" reaction,i put on this i'm a guy act and have told them all about my rock lighting days, hair past my shoulders,back in the day no shirt,doing gigs on those hot summer nights at clubs on the beach,seems funny but i wanted to keep up the image till i was ready to come out!I'm ready to move on,i really have to, but i do love the job.It almost seems anticlimatic but i got my ammendended Birth Certificate from NYC and like my license it still has the M,does anyone know if a doctors note explaining that you're transitioning from male to female,under the guidance of a doctor ect would do anygood at least as far as a drivers license.Oh before i go i came out to my best friend and two other awesome friends.Again i always tried for the guy image and got pretty good at it.I know it was a shock but i wanted to get it out there before Christmas.I got a very direct email from my best friend the next day,it was short and as i read it, cold.The email read Keri,phone numbers are the same Steve.The reality of it shook me up,pretty cold but this person has been there for me at the most crucial times in my life,my mom passing away,my dog six months later,he was there and pretty much wrote a resignation letter i so needed when i left a company i was with forever, always there when i needed somebody,if you read these words.i can not thank you enough,well a day after that email i got another saying how we'd always be best friends and i just cried i was so happy i may need another key board,lol and those two other friends Kevin and Karen,i'll just say they Rock,they said i will always be internally the same person they've always know even though i've changed externally,so true you could n't ask for three better FRIENDS!!!!!!!Just want to thank again the girls i've gotten to talk to on the phone,you've all made me feel good about myself and have given me the confidence i needed to get where i am in my transition,you all know who you are and you're all SPECIAL! <3 Keri

I've been having anxiety attacks i hadn't had for a long time,and this was brought on by my procrastinating in coming out at work.Things were getting very bad but i couldn't decide if i wanted to just leave,or comeout.My sister wanted me to quit my job,tell them i had an offer of a new job,more money ect.She thinks i should just start new as keri and that will probably happen,more on that later.I like my job, i do have to leave cause the money was never good but it gave me the chance to go through stages of transition unnoticed.Well i got my social security card,license,car registration,title and all i have to do is the bank and monthy billing accounts.I know i had to get payroll changed at work or leave so after wanting to come out for the last couple of weeks i went into work early on tuesday,i'm not know for being early, on time always or the movies don't start but not early.I knew my boss would be the only one there and the first thing he said,aren't ya early.He asked me how i was and i kinda hesitated and then i said i have to talk to you and i'm sure he though i was quitting.Well i asked him if he noticed anything about my appearance and he said one of the assistant mangers commented on how long my hair was getting.I said yes and there's a reason,i just came out with it, i said i'm changing my gender,ya should have seen his face and he just said REALLY!!!!!! He asked how long this was going on and i told him about being under the care of a transgendered doctor,the hormones and electrolysis and laser ect.He said he had no idea! I told him a little bit of my story and he said he didn't want me to quit.He asked me how i wanted to handle things,when i wanted to come out to the staff and i went up to the booth to get the films ready.I was up there about 20 minutes and he called me on my walki and said i'll call ya Mr.Green till we inform the staff.He again said i don't want ya to leave, and he asked me to bring my court order and new social security card to work on thursday so he could make the necessary payroll changes and then he left for the day and one of the assistants took over.I'm happy that he wants me to stay but he knows he'll never get anyone with my experience to do the job for what i'm paid.My objective is to make the change,continue to work, i just updated my resume and am gonna put it out there and check as many employment sites as i can.So it's a huge weight off my shoulders,i'm just a bit hesitant about staying cause our theaters in a mall and everyone knows me either by name or that i'm the theater projectionist.I'm thinking if my boss didn't have a clue,and i can't see that cause of the hair,some light makeup and i've been doing my nails in clear polish,i can't imagine what the mall employees are gonna think,i definitely don't want to put myself in danger,i'm not sure how or if i should tell them but if i continue to work for the theater i have to go through the mall to get to the theater and i usually get something to eat and take breaks for coffee,just to get away from the theater for awhile.Thursday should be interesting cause my boss will have had time to think about things and maybe checked with HR.I'm just glad i got it out there and i guess in the end the rest will take care of itself.I can afford to take time off if it comes to that, since i haven't taken anytime off in two years,we'll see,as i've said before i'll keep ya posted! Oh, before i go i FINALLY heard from NYC.about the change on my birth certificate.I got a registered letter,of course i was at work, i just picked it up and it was so awesome to read.It said we have received your request for a correction to your birth certificate and your application will be processed in the order in which it was received. Hallelujah,i'll believe it when i see it!

If ya read my last post you know among other things i went shoping for fall/winter clothes cause i had none!when i got home and wanted to put them in my closet i quickly realized there was no room.I had summer clothes and well guy clothes,and except for some t shirts and work clothes i hadn't worn them in a long time.why were they still in my closet? don't know,guess cause they've always been there.It's weird that i waited this long to get rid of them.I put all my guy clothes in plastic garbage bags and it felt so right,so final,and as i arranged my new clothes and shoes in my closet,it felt so real and so awesome.There's nothing left but Keris' clothes,i know it may sound silly but it struck home that i'm at that point where ken is finally fading away and keri is coming alive.If you've been there, and i know alot of you have ,you probably felt the same way and if you haven't it's an awesome feeling to look foward to.
Now for the awesome step,i got my new drivers license!It was a trip,i only wish i could have recorded the whole event as it went down.I was soooo nervous as i got out of my car and there were people waiting in the doorway for there test results.I walked by them and sat down in the reception area.One person was being given there drivers test and it was me and two ladies waiting around.One of the ladies began telling me how she lost her purse and everything in it and i smiled and said something about feeling sorry for her,she saw me as another woman and that made me feel so much less nervous.Someone finally came in and told us to take a number,i was 138 and my number was finally called and the fun begins ;) I sat at the station i was called to and the DMV guy asks me what i need,i say i need to change my name on my license and he asks why,were you divorced! I just have this huge smile and say no,i'm changing my gender.Well if you've seen that cell phone commercial with the dropped call,it was sorta like that, my lips were moving and the guy just didn't have a clue, it was like he didn't hear me!I gave him my name change court order and he stared at it, put it down and stared at it again.I told him again i was changing my gender and my lawyer told me to get a my new license and that i had just got a new social security card.Well finally he says i've never had anyone come to my station and tell me that they need a new license cause they're changing there gender.He says would you please excuse me, i have to ask my supervisor about how to help you.I was actually pretty calm, but a bit nervous at the same time waiting for him to come back.well he finally returns and says what i didn't want to hear,you can get your new license but we can't change the M. I was pretty sure that was what was going to be said but i was so hoping that i'd get the F.He filled out all the paperwork and was very polite and like the social security lady,told me to sign my license in my new name.It's such a surreal experience,i sat and waited for my license and he called my name,Keri,and i was just kinda out of it and heard Keri and he handed me my license and i walked,well really floated out the door.The pic is unfortunately,the typical drivers license photo,but it's finally me and no matter how it looks,it's so much better than the one that was never me.I just stared at it as i sat in my car and truth be told i've spent too much time staring at it since.Well now i've got to get my banking info ,bills and my paycheck changed and that means i'm going to come out to my boss this weekend.I have no clue what his response will be,should be very interesting.Truth be told i need to move on,i want to start new as Keri and i've got my resume updated with my new name.I hope my boss is ok with everything,cause i'd like to get a good reference from him,should be a most interesting weekend!I'll keep ya posted!

Took a rare Sunday off to spend the day with my friend Barb and had an awesome time.I worked the previous three days and put in 33 hours so i told her i'd get to her house by 2:00,i just couldn't get myself out of bed before noon.We were going to spend the day shopping and then have a nice meal at the restaurant of her choice.The first thing she said is the stores close at 6:00,so we're gonna have to do some speed shopping,lol,We had almost 4 hours,i've never spent that much time shopping in all the years i pretended to be a guy!Barb loves to shop and she loves clothes,having your own personal fashion consultant is so good and for me so needed.I ended up getting this cute p coat that came to my hips,and some dress pants for job interviews,some sweaters and tops and a cute pair of purple jeans.I bought shoes, one pair of flats and a pair of heels,now i just have to get use to walking in them ;) I think the info printed on my credit card was wearing out from the continuous sliding through the credit card machine.Everything went ok with using my credit card with the male name,well almost everything,cause at old navy the cashier asked to see my license,the one thats' not changed yet,hopefully i'll take care of that on Friday.She looked at the license and then at me and had this very confused look on her face. There were people right behind me,but somehow i was ok with it,not nervous,i just told her that it was me ,well the old me ,that i was changing my gender,i signed the receipt and all was good!I'm very lucky to have Barb in my life,i got the clothes i needed and got to spend the day with someone i'd like to spend everyday with. It was an awesome day for me today,i finally went to the Social Security office and got my temp paper work,i'll get my card in two weeks.I was sooo nervous but it was so easy.I walked into the office and a guard said stop and it was like what did i do? Well there's a number pad by the door and ya have to press #1 and it gives you your number that will be called when it's your turn.Ok that's nice, so i press it and my numbers 59,but there's absolutely nobody in the office but the guard and me,i almost began to laugh and all my nervousness disappeared.I waited about a minute and a woman came out and told me to come in and have a seat.She was so nice,she asked what i came for,in my best voice i told her,she smiled and began typing the info on the application.She said ya know we can't change the M, and then asked me some questions from the application and it was DONE.She smiled at me again and said i need you to sign your application and said remember to sign it in your NEW NAME,now it was my turn to smile.I told her i'll have to get use to signing as Keri,she gave me my temporary reciept explaining that i had applied for a new card and this was legal till it comes in the mail.Thanks to my lj friends, that ive been lucky enough to talk to,your support rocks!

I know there's a few people who know i got my name change,finally, but what sucks,is that my name change was legal on August 25.I can only reason that my lawyer got my name change and was waiting to let me know when he got my birth certificate done,but that's become a nightmare! I was so stunned i couldn't get mad and i thought it probably wouldn't be the smartest thing.The problem getting my birth certificate changed is that i was born in New York City and i now live in North Carolina,maybe not much longer.Anyway my lawyers never done a name change that involves change of gender and has repeatedly told me if i was born in NC.,i'd have it about the same time my name change became legal.I'm going to try to get to the social security dept. and then to the DMV on monday,i wish i could go sooner but the rest of the week,thurs-Sat i work more hours than i want to talk about.It's funny, i waited so long and now i mentioned this to Harley Paula and bchgrl 315(Erica), that i'm nervous and a little scared to go.I'm still a little shy when i go places alone,but i'm really beginning to be comfortable and so happy,but the DMV's not a place i like under any circumstances and i'm dreading how the pic will look!I'm very happy to finally be Keri Rose Green and now maybe tomorrow,or over the weekend when i see my boss,i'm hoping to tell him,maybe he already knows,not sure.I tell most people he probably thinks i'm gay,and at least now he'll know why my hairs long and why i've been wearing some makeup.Either way i need to get payroll changed so i can establish myself as Keri at this job and can use it as a reference if i decide to move on and even more importantly i can now change the name on my resume.I know i've got alot to experience and so many awesome girls i've met on lj have already been there.I also know it won't be easy,at least as far as work goes but i've at least got a heads up from reading your journals.I want to move towards everyday life as Keri and not have to talk about being transgendered all the time.I'm very proud to be a transgendered woman and everyone on my lj list and one who isn't, she knows who she is,have given me the support to get this far and i want to thank you all! I'll leave you with something that makes me smile everytime i look at it!

My birth certifiacte was suppose to be in my lawyers office and the name change was suppose to happen.I was told originally that i'd have my name change two weeks ago,but was told it was still in Raliegh,NC's state capitol and that it was being sent to New York city,where i was born,that day.So two more weeks go by and i call my lawyers office yesterday afternoon and they still don't have my birth cerificate.They say Raliegh sent it to NYC. and that there's been no response and it would take me a week to tell ya all the excuses i was given.The law office sounds sincere,if that's possible, and more frustrated than me,but that still leaves me living in two worlds and it,well just SUCKS!My birth certifiacte has to be changed where i was born and stamped with the state seal and returned,there's a fee and my lawyer wants to hear from them before sending them,i think it's 15.00 per certificate.I don't care at this point what it costs,i just want to legally begin my life as Keri.It's funny that a lawyer is worried about putting up the 15.00 dollars,i'm not sure what the whole process is costing and i stated that to the legal secretary and she replied money's not the issue i'm as frustrated as you cause i want you to be able to get on with your life just as much as you do.She said she's sent emails to everyone in the NYC legal system and been on hold for ever at the department of,i think she said records and statistics.I'm going to suggest they over night a registered letter and include the fees for birth copies and that it gets overnighted to their office,i almost feel like making a trip to NYC,i've got lots of freinds there,but oh yeah! i thought i was paying the law firm to supposedly make things easier,so things would go smooothly and oh!!!!!!i'm waiting for things to be legal before i even tell my NYc. and Conn. friends!!!!!! I'll end this rant on a more comic and hopefully fun note,i'm thinking of sending Christmas cards,with a pic of Me and my dog Jamie, to all who don't know about Keri,what do ya think,i'd love to be able to see my friends as they open their cards,at least it won't be the same old Merry Christmas and i'm betting it's gonna get more than a ho,ho,ho response ;)

I try to write only the positive things and experiences since i started transition,but along the way i've had anxiety attacks and been depressed,kinda like now.I was suppose to have gotten my legal name change two weeks ago and because i'm living in North Carolina and was born in NYC.a copy of my birth certificate is making it's way,very slowly from NYC. back to NC.and i may have all the legal paper work by Wednesday! So awesome but,it's everything i've wanted and finally made happen! Now that i can taste it,i'm anxious,excited and when i come home from work and it's soo quite i get depressed and blame myself for waiting so long to begin transition!I read duffygenders journal on Friday and she linked Barbara Walters 20/20 three part special" my secret self,a story of transgendered children from six yeras old to the teen years and older.I know we all wonder how it may have been,i read that the special was gonna be on but forgot to set,yes my vcr,i want tivo, just don't have it yet.I watched as Barbara talked to the parents of a six year old and they may not have gotten it at first, but were on board and let their daughter be who she is,i'm so happy for her! I watched another part concerning another teen, male to female, and my heart just went out to her and i thought of the first time my mom caught me wearing some of my sisters things and she just said what are you doing! what's wrong with you and i begged her not to tell my dad,a very macho man that would have,well i'll never know cause my mom never told him and i think about how it might have been.I know that the paper work only makes it legal,i've always been Keri and now i've got no more excuses,i 've got to move beyond where i am now.My current job is one i love but won't be around much longer and having been thought to be male,maybe, the last two years i've had my current job,trying to continue to work as Keri,may or may not be in the cards.Wednesdays almost here and i wanted to tell my boss,hell i wanted to tell everyone at work and i was so close,but i've got to tell my boss first,somehow,i won't see him till Tuesday.If the legal paperwork comes thru on wednesday i'm gonna put my resume out there and for what it's worth i applied and was accepted at the transgender employment yahoo group,and will download my resume as soon as my name change is legal.I moved to North Carolina,bought an awesome house and met a trans girl who recommended me to her doctor and therapist and changed my life forever.I began to actually live! if that didn't happen i probably won't be typing this and now i'm willing to relocate if i have to, to find that job that will allow me to just be Keri!Anyway i just had to say this and i'm great full for all the support i've gotten from lj,you all Rock!!!!!

My legal name change was suppose to happen on Wednesday the 12th,but after calling my lawyer to confirm before i went to his office and later to dinner to celebrate with friends,i was told my birth certificate was just sent to New York city to make the necessary changes and that it would be another two weeks and i'm suppose to call on the 26th,it's still an awesome feeling to know i'm so close! After a grueling and very long Thursday and friday,i got an unexpected Saturday off at the theater.I spent 12 hours on thursday putting three movies together,"The Brave One","Mr.Woodcock" and what turned out to be the First B movie i've shown,"Dragon Wars",can you say Straight to DVD,just sayin and i broke down five movies.Only found out about Saturday on Thursday afternoon and the woman i'm seeing had made plans,she made up for it,more on that later!Anyway i called my sister and her boyfriend and we went to dinner.For me it's all about presenting as Keri and getting more and more comfortable in the real world.I wore jeans and a long sleeve black top and for the first time HEELS .Like someone said on lj, it's like going through that second puberty,the teen years,i so wish, lol. Dinner went well,there was an off duty waitress that spent some time looking my way,but who knows there could have been a good looking guy in my general direction,didn't matter i was in my own world having an awesome time.I got ma'am,is everything ok miss would ya like,anyway just being out there among other people,i feel like i'm living for the first time and not impersonating a guy! I gave them my credit card and again thanks for coming,i'm sure there was talk after we left.I want to go back when my name change is offical and i get my credit cards changed to Keri,then i can be the one smiling, lol We then went to a college bar,three floors,i should preface this by mentioning that my sister and her boyfriend and are scouting locations and checking out different cafes, bars and restaurants and are hoping to open one sometime next year.They want me to be involved but i'm gonna give it some more though before i make any definite plans.Having spent a lot of time doing rock lighting in every kind of place imaginable, i love checking out the bars and listening to bands,but again doing it as keri is a whole very new experience!I mentioned the three floors,very steep stairs were involved and having never worn heels beyond my house,i was a bit worried but i had no problem.I could just picture falling down the stairs and having to explain sooo much! Well we walked around each floor listened to the bands,my sisters boyfriend played lead guitar about the same years i did lighting, and had an awesome time. Being older wasn't a problem,we got into the music and i did some people watching,nobody stared,or pointed or anything,everyone was having a good time,just enjoying their saturday night.I didn't want the night to end but ya know what they say about all good things,i just can't wait to be able to be Keri everyday,i know it won't solve all my problems but i know i'll be so much happier! Oh one more thing relating to the lady i'm seeing,if you've read my bolg you know she's ,Barb, my electro laser tech and well anyway,i had an appointment today at 7:00pm and she'd been working since 8:00 am and asked me if i was doing anything after she finished. Well you all know how awesome you look after an hour of electro,ya just want to rush right out to let everyone see your attractive swollen face, lol She invited me back to her house for some wine, dinner and the well, i'll tell ya something she told me that put a huge smile on my face, don't get ahead of me. She ran into a girlfriend that we met when we went shopping about a month ago.I was introduced as her girlfriend Keri and she said hi and we saw her a few more times while we were shopping. Well Barb saw her again last week and asked her what she thought about me,she said she looked nice seemed like a nice woman. Barb then told her i was born male and was changing my sex and she said she would have never known,happy, happy, so happy, that's all! i know it was probably too much,it's NOT always like this, but i like to write about it when it is!